That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
