Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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