Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
