I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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