No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
