right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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