i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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