well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
