do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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