you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
