O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
