You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
