It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
