i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
