I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
