So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
