defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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