Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
