so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
smell my finger.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
