I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
