Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
