She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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