Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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