His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
