Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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