Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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