BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
