Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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