Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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