My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
