the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
