Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize