Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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