I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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