forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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