1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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