i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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