im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
