Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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