you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
