Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
