Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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