Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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