this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
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I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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