a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
