How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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