Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
