Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
