Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
