On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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