Jerry, you need to find god
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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