Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
