What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
