so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
