remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
