seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize