The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
