The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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