Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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