just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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