Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
