So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
