I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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