Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
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