My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he shaved USA in his pubs
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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