the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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