also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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