Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
