Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you had me at cake vodka
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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