i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My vagina is very pro this idea
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
