Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
