So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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