eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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