Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
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put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
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Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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