He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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