I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
