I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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