piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
