last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
