Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize