you have to choose: penises or morals?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
