and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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